Tag Archives: cute

Teeny Tiny Drunks

Just imagine the cute little snores...

Just imagine the cute little snores…

I had one of those weekends with Mini. You know the ones, where everything you try and do gets exponentially more difficult the less time you have to do it?

Well, when I was struggling to get her trousers on and she was trying to launch herself over my left shoulder (of course it was my left because that is my weakest side) it occurred to me that small children are like drunks.

Teeny, tiny drunks.

How can I say that?

Well, lets consider the evidence (in no particular order)…

Prone to falling and often over nothing… check. You spend time worrying whether it’s because their shoes are the wrong size, the soles aren’t flexible enough or they’re turning their feet in when they walk. In reality, it’s just as likely that their brains aren’t quick enough to warn them about all the hazards in the way (tables, chairs, steps, thin air) in time, or more likely, it’s too busy thinking of something else altogether much more interesting.

Prone to making a mess when eating… check. In fact, you’re lucky if it’s confined to their person. Retrieving peas that have rolled under tables can be tricky (not to mention bruising if you don’t watch your head) and as for dried ketchup that managed to get in the one place you didn’t look…

Prone to sudden vomiting… check. Who hasn’t had the pleasure of walking round with baby sick down your back, whether you know about it at the time or not? Calling it posset doesn’t make it any more attractive when you’re wearing it, and as for giving it the same name as a medieval dessert, well, I’m not even going to go there. Still, when else would you get to develop the parental (or it may just be mothers who do this) of catching vomit with your bare hands. (We’re saving the bedding, saving on washing and supporting the environment. Doesn’t make it any more pleasant? Oh well. I tried.)

Prone to delivering sloppy, badly aimed kisses… check. On reflection, this one isn’t so bad. You can get used to a big wet kiss that may or may not end up somewhere on your face, or even head. It is slightly more problematic when they’re in full snot production mode, which, uncannily, seems to improve their aim no end, well, enough that their nose ends up somewhere round your mouth.

Prone to making loud noises… check. This includes singing out of tune and, in common with drunks, at full volume and during unsocial hours. The concept of quiet and the fact that others might be trying to sleep totally eludes them. Still, despite this we try. Isn’t that one of the definitions of insanity, trying the same thing again and again expecting a different result? Hmm…

Prone to spontaneous outbursts of emotion… check. This usually amounts to crying. Loudly and often with sign language, just in case you can’t hear them. The cause and duration can rarely be predicted and may or may not involve interaction with siblings, real or imagined. Or even imaginary friends. Why can it never be the giggles? Why? Just once? Please???

Prone to erratic motion… check. It’s cute when you see them wobbling towards you, until they fall over… well, let’s face it, cruel as it might be, we sometimes find that amusing as well. Not that we would ever admit it to anyone. We hope it gets better before they get too mobile. In the meantime, we just move objects out of the way before they can be trampled. You know the usual things, toys, newspapers, pets, siblings… and back to the spontaneous outbursts of emotion.

Prone to falling asleep without warning… check. Usually in the car about 2 minutes from home or in the most uncomfortable position – half in half out of bed, in their high chair, anywhere really. You have to admit that the chubby cheeked drunken snooze look is cute when they’re that age. And as for the tiny little snores!

So there you have it. We appear to be raising a nation of teeny tiny drunks.

X is for Kisses

Kiss, kiss, kiss

Kiss, kiss, kiss

Before you say anything, I know this is a bit of a cheat.

You see it in the films, the cute cuddle and kiss that little ones give their on screen parents. And when you get that from your own child it is the best feeling in the world. Especially when they do it of their own volition.

Real life is slightly different, at least it has been in our family.

My family has never been very “huggy” but the Other Half’s is and over the years I have come to look forward to the hello and goodbye hugs and kisses.

The one thing you can count on though is children will be totally honest and if they don’t want to give someone a hug and kiss they won’t. And there is nothing you can do to make them.

Try and hold them tight and suddenly every joint can bend in a least three different directions. At the same time.

They can also be very selective about who they bestow their generosity upon.

The worst thing about this is that Motormouth, who is now old enough to resist, will happily give everyone else a hug and a kiss, but I get “stop, mummy, your kisses are yucky.” Or at least I did today, and I’m pretty sure the day before that as well.

Mini is too young to resist, in fact she is too young to know what a kiss is so you get more of an open mouth slobbery lunge which I choose to view as a kiss. In her world it is probably just another thing to explore with her mouth, like the string on the pull along caterpillar or her brother’s toy car.

I have no doubt my son loves me, but demonstrating it through the sloppy application of lips to someone else’s skin is just “horrid” (which is another complaint I have had although I think that one came last week). I have become very good at deluding myself about this, but that all falls away when you get the real thing.

That’s the one that makes you feel all swirly inside and like your heart is going to explode. (And don’t tell the Other Half that an unsolicited kiss from either of the kids is better than one from him.)



P is for Pictures

So many pictures in so little time!

So many pictures in so little time!

Thousands of pictures. Yep. We have thousands of them all arranged by month they were taken in.

Some of them are very good and some of them are just blurs but, like any person who just about knows one end of a camera from the other, I am never quite sure which way they are going to turn out.

It’s all worth it though, when you get that one picture that perfectly captures the cheekiness of the little boy who is after just one more ride or who has just done something to make people laugh (he’s a clown and loves getting a positive reaction from others).

We have to be a bit craftier now because he’s a little camera shy but that doesn’t deter us from trying. He is fascinated by looking at pictures of himself and his little sister.

We used them to help him understand what was going to happen when she was born, to take some of the fear out of seeing me in hospital. There are so many uses for the pictures (apart from embarrassing them in front of future partners but that will come with time). Screen savers, mugs, cards, framed collages for all sorts of relatives and so on. So many that I have to admit I have only done the most basic of things.

I do have a diary app on my phone where I have an entry and a photo for my daughter for every day since she was born. It was free and works brilliantly. The only quibble is that, whilst it will take audio files, it won’t take videos. Still, I’m sure that will come later.

When you look back, it’s hard to remember how much they have changed, some of it happens so gradually. Like when exactly did the baby develop eyebrows?

We may not revisit many of those photos but just knowing we have them is enough. Of course we can’t forget the videos. And the classic one of our son at Christmas. Do you want to see Santa? Shake of the head. Are you sure? He peers round at the display, the nodding penguins and sparkly polar bears. Shake. He’ll give you a present? Shake. OK. Do you want some food instead? Emphatic nod.

Someday we’ll be able to use that to remind him Christmas wasn’t always about the presents for him.




A is for Aah

A very young Motormouth

A very young Motormouth


Aren’t babies cute?

Well, that’s what we all say because that’s what we’re expected to say. Even though we look at the newborn in question and can’t help but make comparisons. My neighbours (and good friends) have never let me forget that I just happened to mention their daughter reminded me of Mel Smith (Gryff Rhys Jones’s comic partner in case you are too young to remember who he is). She soon got over that and now as a teenager has no problems in that area.

We even do it for our own children (or am I the only one to think my newborn boy looked a little like a slightly manic escapee from Area 51? Oh? Just me? OK then.). He soon grew out of it, but those first few weeks are a little aesthetically challenging for the poor little mites.

Talking of cute babies (and this will be a little moan from me), why do complete strangers feel it is perfectly acceptable to lay hands on small babies when they wouldn’t dream of doing it to an adult. (It’s as bad as going up to a pregnant woman and touching her bump without asking. It didn’t happen much to me but perhaps I let my pregnancy-enhanced grumpiness show a little more than usual.) I even had one woman tell me in a checkout queue that she wasn’t going to touch my baby because she had just been changing the oil in her car!

The worst thing about the whole thing is my own reaction to this. I know I should be the protective mother and leap to defend my child but the whole thing usually happens so quickly and without all the usual warning body language that it’s over before I even have time to open my mouth. And what would I say? Excuse me, touch my child and I will… will what? It’s hardly a police matter. Get politely annoyed? I wish I could think up a suitable line that will stop them in their tracks and nullify that tendency they have to get offended. After all, why wouldn’t anyone want a complete stranger with hygiene habits they can only imagine touching a baby who has barely developed the skills for breathing air, let alone an immune system.

This is one are I need to work on. I just need the right line. How about, “Careful, she’s not recovered from norovirus yet.” or “Have you had your tetanus shot recently? She bites”.

Babies are cute though – once they’ve had a few weeks to grow into their cuteness.